" I Used to Be Able to Do That": When Your Dancer Brain Outlives Your Dancer Body.

Once upon a time, not too long ago, you were on stage. You were throwing your leg beside your head, dropping into a split, then dragging yourself off the floor to perform a turn combination for the 100th time.

And now, you're rotting in bed watching a teenager casually do what you were once able to do but can now only dream of doing. Immediately, a tiny voice in your head says, "I used to be able to do that."

You remember when your body could kick higher, turn longer, jump farther, then go to bed and do it all again the next day. You remember skills that were once second nature and now seem completely foreign to you as your body screams, "Absolutely not!"

One of the strange things about being a former dancer is that your brain remembers a body you no longer have. Maybe you're older or your weight has changed. Maybe you had a baby or two or developed a disability. But somewhere in your brain is still the dance who might casually bust out an elaborate dance move at your friend's wedding. Meanwhile, your body is filing a formal complaint or two. Somewhere in between, there is a disconnect that can be surprisingly painful.

There is a certain amount of grief that comes with losing that dancer's identity. For those who danced competitively, it seemed like our lives revolved around the dance studio. We did our homework in the studio lobby, shoved down our dinners in between classes, and spent our weekends in auditoriums waiting to go on stage when our number was called.

Your body continues to carry pieces of your dance history with it. You might hear a song in the supermarket and remember a combo you learned at a convention a decade ago. Or maybe your body simply doesn't look the same as it did when you were dancing twenty-four hours a week.

You're allowed to miss that part of you. It would be kind of weird if you didn't.

Here are some ways you can deal with the "I used to be able to do that" feeling:

1. Reframe, reframe, reframe

 Change "I used to" to "I got to." Our words can have a big influence on our thoughts and feelings. Shift the memory from evidence that you're somehow less-than now to evidence of something meaningful you got to experience.

   2. Stop testing yourself.

I see you trying to drop into that split in your living room. Do us both a favor and STOP. If you want your flexibility back. train for it safely. If you don't, you don't have to. There is no need to keep conducting surprise examinations of your hamstrings.

   3. Separate ability from identity.

Try making two lists: (1) Things I could do because I was a dancer and (2) Things I learned because I was a dancer. While the first list might be filled with things such as a la seconde turns, needles, and aerials, I think you'll find that the second list contains more substantial things: perseverance, teamwork, creativity, discipline, resilience, and so much more. Those are things that cannot be taken away from you.

  4. Keep the parts that still fit.

You don't have to perform anymore to enjoy choreography. You don't have to be as flexible as you once were to have fun in a drop-in class. You can still attend performances, dance recreationally, or my personal favorite - bust a "funky" in the kitchen while cooking.

The goal isn't to convince yourself that you don't miss what your body could do when you were actively dancing every day. You might. The goal is to remember what that body could do without using the memory as a weapon against the body you have now.

You used to be able to do that... how freaking cool is it that you got to?

This article was drafted and edited with the assistance of artificial intelligence tools for grammar, formatting, and organization support. All ideas, clinical perspectives, and final edits are my own.