The Monsters We Carry

Because sometimes the scariest things aren’t hiding under the bed.

Remember when you were young, and the scariest thing you could imagine was a monster under your bed or in your closet?You’d leap into bed, pull up the covers, tuck in your feet, and hope whatever was lurking in the dark couldn’t reach you.

Somewhere along the way, the monsters evolved.They became unpaid bills, difficult conversations, painful memories, and that one text message that says, “We need to talk.” (And if you send texts like that… well, we need to talk.) The monsters grew up with us. Unlike childhood monsters, though, a nightlight won’t necessarily fix the problem.

But here’s the thing: just because something feels scary doesn’t mean it’s dangerous.

Lions, Emails, and Other Threats

As a therapist, it’s generally a good idea to have your own therapist. One story my therapist shared with me has stayed with me, and I often pass it along to clients.

Back in the caveman days, we didn’t have cozy bedrooms where we could hide under the covers. If you encountered a hungry predator, you had a good reason to run.

Our bodies developed survival systems to help us respond to danger. The sympathetic nervous system prepares us to fight or flee when we perceive a threat. Our ancestors couldn’t afford to stop and debate whether the lion was dangerous. Their brains had to respond quickly.

Today, your brain is still constantly evaluating what’s happening around you. The amygdala is one part of the system involved in emotional processing and threat detection.When your brain perceives danger, your heart rate may increase, your muscles tense, your breathing change, and your digestion slow down. Your body is preparing to fight, flee, or freeze.

If you’re reading this on a smartphone, the chance of being chased by a lion is probably pretty low.

The chance of receiving a stressful email from your boss? Much higher. And here’s the important part: your nervous system can activate many of the same stress responses in both situations.

The system that protects you from physical danger can also respond to emotional and psychological stress.

So, when your heart races over an email, it doesn’t mean you’re being dramatic. Your nervous system is trying to protect you. The problem is that our internal alarm systems can be overenthusiastic. They don’t always know when to turn off.

Plot Twist: Avoiding the Monster Can Make It Bigger

Let’s return to that email. Maybe you’re worried about criticism, bad news, or another responsibility being added to your already full plate. So, you don’t open it. You close your inbox and decide it’s a problem for Future You.

For a little while, that brings relief.

Unfortunately, your brain may interpret that relief as evidence that avoiding the email kept you safe.

“See?” your brain says. “We avoided it, and nothing bad happened.” The next time you see your inbox, the anxiety may return—possibly even stronger.

This is one way avoidance can maintain anxiety. The more we avoid something, the fewer opportunities we have to learn whether it’s truly dangerous or whether we can handle it. Avoidance isn’t always unhealthy. Leaving a dangerous situation is protective, and taking a break when you’re overwhelmed can be helpful. But repeatedly avoiding reasonably safe situations can reinforce the belief that we can’t handle them. That’s why some evidence-based anxiety treatments involve gradually approaching feared situations in a supported, manageable way.

Not by throwing someone into their worst nightmare and telling them to get over it. We’re unpacking monsters, not auditioning for a horror movie.

So, How Do We Make Peace With Our Monsters?

There isn’t a magic spell that makes anxiety disappear. Medication can be helpful for some people, but it isn’t a cure-all.

The good news is that we can develop healthier ways to respond to fear.

1. Put On Your Detective Hat

When anxiety takes over, our brains can become talented storytellers. Unfortunately, those stories don’t always reflect what’s actually happening.

Rather than accepting every anxious thought as fact, investigate.

Ask yourself:

* What’s the situation?
* What are the facts, and what am I assuming?
* What evidence supports my concern?
* Is there another possible explanation?
* What might someone observing this situation notice?
* What’s a more balanced way to interpret what’s happening?

The goal isn’t forced positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s recognizing that thoughts aren’t always facts, even when they feel convincing. Sometimes there is a genuine problem to address. Other times, anxiety has filled in the blanks with the worst possible scenario.

Either way, we’re working with information instead of assumptions.

2. Check the Present Moment

Sometimes our brains keep looking for danger long after it has passed. This can be especially true for people who have experienced trauma or prolonged stress. Past experiences influence how we interpret the world, and our nervous systems may become more sensitive to potential threats.

A raised voice, an unanswered text, or a change in someone’s behavior might trigger fear before we’ve had time to process what’s happening. That doesn’t mean the response is irrational. It means our brains may be using the past to predict the future.

Take a moment to ask yourself:

What is happening right now?

What do I know for certain?

What am I predicting?

Is there an immediate threat, or is my brain responding to the possibility of one?

If you’re genuinely unsafe, focus on getting to safety—not convincing yourself that you shouldn’t be afraid.

Sometimes fear is a warning sign. Other times, it’s an echo. Learning the difference takes practice.

3. Help Your Body Recognize When It’s Safe

Your autonomic nervous system helps regulate how your body responds to the world. The sympathetic nervous system mobilizes you for action during stress. The parasympathetic nervous system supports recovery and restoration.

While you can’t always control your nervous system directly, you can practice strategies that may help regulate your response. Mindfulness, grounding exercises, gentle movement, and certain breathing techniques can reduce anxiety for some people.

What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s okay. You don’t have to become a meditation expert. The goal is simply to help your body recognize when it doesn’t need to prepare for danger.

4. Take Manageable Steps

At some point, we may have to open that email.Every time we approach something that makes us anxious, we create an opportunity to learn. Maybe the email contains bad news. Maybe it doesn’t. Either way, we can practice responding to the situation instead of only anticipating it.

When a situation is reasonably safe, gradually approaching it instead of automatically avoiding it can build confidence and reduce anxiety over time.

And I do mean gradually.

You don’t have to conquer your biggest fear tomorrow. Progress may look like taking one small step toward something you’ve been avoiding. For trauma-related fears, this process is often best explored with a qualified mental health professional who can help create an appropriate, individualized plan.

5. Remember That You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

You don’t have to wait until everything is falling apart to ask for help. Therapy isn’t only for emergencies. It can help you understand what triggers anxiety, learn new ways to respond, and create a safe space to unpack what you’ve been carrying. You don’t need to have all the answers before you begin. That’s part of what therapy is for.

The Monster Under the Bed

Maybe the monsters under our beds were real after all. Not monsters with claws or glowing eyes, but the ones that grew up alongside us. They traded claws for expectations, glowing eyes for painful memories, and closets for the quiet corners of our minds.

Here’s what I want you to remember:

You don’t have to defeat every monster.

You don’t have to pretend anxiety doesn’t exist.

And you don’t have to feel ashamed of a nervous system that’s trying to protect you.

Anxiety serves a purpose. It helps us recognize potential threats, prepare for challenges, and respond when something needs our attention. But when today’s monsters appear, the first step may be turning on a metaphorical nightlight and looking at what’s actually there.

Which fears are trying to protect you? Which ones are holding you back? Which ones deserve extra support?

Growing up doesn’t mean we stop being afraid of monsters. Sometimes it means learning that we don’t have to hide under the covers anymore.And more importantly, we don’t have to face them alone.

So, what have you been carrying that’s ready to be unpacked?

Portions of this content were refined or edited using artificial intelligence tools for grammar, clarity, and flow.